Leitmotif
by Aredhel Olivaw
Summary: Despite all his victories, he was well aware of the recurring theme in his life.


**Hello. o/**

Here I am again writing about our blue genius.

This time, the fic will have a single chapter and will mix be a blend of Legends and Disney universe. You will see some quotes from the new book, Thrawn and Outbound Flight. And some mentions to Star Wars - Rebels.

As English is still not my native language, I apologize for the mistakes you may find here. :)

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** Star Wars belongs to Disney.

 **Song:** Stranger in a Strange Land

 **Artist:** Iron Maiden

* * *

 **Subtitles:**

"Blah blah": dialogues

 _Blá blá: flashbacks_

 **Blá blah: intonations**

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 **Leitmotif**

Also **Leitmotiv** (Līt'mō-tēf ')

 _n_

 **1.** A melodic passage or phrase, especially in Wagnerian opera, associated with a specific character, situation, orelement.

 **2.** A dominant and recurring theme, as in a novel.

* * *

 **It was many years ago that I left home and came this way**

 **I was a young man full of hopes and dreams**

 **But now it seems to me that all is lost and nothing gained.**

 **Sometimes things are not what they seem**

 **No brave new world, no brave new world**

 **No brave new world, no brave new world**

" _You can not see. But I can._ "

" _What? What do you see?_ "

" _I see your defeat. Like many arms surrounding you in a cold embrace._ "

That bizarre creature's words kept ringing in his head, more intense than the chaos in the _Chimera_ and the pain in his temples. Thrawn was not yet able to anticipate the problems that would come from the Empire's almost disastrous performance at Atollon, but he was aware that his state of mind would not allow him to solve anything at the moment.

Thus, as it was typical of him, the Grand Admiral delegated the task of organizing what remained of the Seventh Fleet to the few still dependable subordinates and isolated himself in his cabin. There was much to think about, and in order to make his mind work again in a minimally acceptable way, the Chiss allowed several holograms to take over the room and surround it with art. Yes, the relaxing and cathartic effect of art would do him good. Or at least, that's what he thought.

" _I see your defeat. Like many arms surrounding you in a cold embrace._ "

Damn that Bendu. And damn that mystical power that Thrawn could not understand and, therefore, could not manipulate. And such admission was not something to be ashamed of, for even he, in his brilliance, had limits as to what his brain could understand. And as to confirm this basic truth, he had counted on Governor Pryce and Admiral Konstantine to follow through with his plan as he fought the rebels on the ground.

 **Night and day I scan horizon, sea and sky**

 **My spirit wanders endlessly**

 **Until the day will dawn and friends from home discover why**

 **Hear me calling, rescue me**

 **Set me free, set me free**

 **Lost in this place, and leave no trace**

A stupid, almost primary mistake. Expecting them to act in a minimally coherent manner would be expecting such an abysmal grace that would be nothing short of a miracle. After all, she was too ambitious and he was too incompetent. Two of the worst specimens of the mankind that he had the displeasure of meeting. And there were so many other he could fit into this category.

Seated in his armchair, the Grand Admiral gazed at the art pieces without paying any special attention to them. He was weary. And the nearly monastic silence on the room carried a melancholy that he had felt few times in his life. And every single one of those moments, as in a cruel coincidence of fate, ended up appearing in those somber words.

" _I see your defeat. Like many arms surrounding you in a cold embrace._ "

Although they were not frequent, the defeats, the losses, left indelible marks in him. Just like the cold hug. The cold arms of Death. The arms that waited at the end of every warrior's journey. In any civilization and at any time in history. The ultimate enemy. The most fatal of lovers. To Bendu, Thrawn would succumb to both. What that creature didn't know was that, although his career was crowned with military success (and political stumble, it must be admitted), loss and death were a dominant theme in his life.

 **One hundred years have gone**

 **and men again they came that way**

 **To find the answer to the mystery**

 **They found his body lying where it fell on that day**

 **Preserved in time for all to see**

 **No brave new world, no brave new world**

 **Lost in this place**

 **And leave no trace**

The first loss was not a battle, but two partings. Back when Thrawn was just a commander in the Chiss Expansionary Defense Force, he crossed paths with humans for the first time. Smugglers from a hitherto unknown planet called Corellia. Their names: Dubrak Qennto, Jorj Car'das and Maris Ferasi. But only these two had mattered. Jorj, a gentle young man who had great insight into the hearts of others. Maris, an incorrigible idealist who sought always to see only the good in everyone. For months, Thrawn and humans have lived, shared, and faced dangers.

 _"If we're on the bridge together, you will not have to," Maris pointed out. "If I die, you will probably, too, and someone else would get stuck with that job." She jerked a thumb at Car'das. "It sounds like Jorj would rather stay behind anyway. He can do it. "_

 _"Forget it," Car'das said firmly, his mind suddenly made up for him. He had seen Thrawn's combat abilities, and he had seen Qennto's temper, and he knew which one sounded safer. "If Maris goes, we both go." "I'm honored by your trust," Thrawn said as they reached the shuttle bay. "Come then. May warriors' fortune smile on our efforts. "_

With Car'das, the commander had curiosity in common; with Maris, the taste for art. To the first, the Chiss gave his time, camaraderie, and knowledge. To the second, he gave his time, his moments of privacy, and his heart. And both had given him a new horizon. One that he knew that should be explored and soon, because the Universe was a dangerous place. In addition, the humans gave him memories that would comfort him after the inevitable separation.

 **Stranger in a strange land**

 **Land of ice and snow**

 **Trapped inside this prison, yeah!**

 **Lost and far from home**

Death and defeat combined for the first time when Thrass died. The Grand Admiral avoided thinking of his older brother with all his might. The years had passed, but the wound remained open. Mitth'ras'safis, his brother, his best friend. Always correct and law abiding, intelligent and sensible. Thrass, always political and temporizing. The kind of Chiss that Thrawn himself should have been, but could never have been.

But honestly, even among his kind, Thrawn had always been very aware that he was a stranger in the nest. Even to his brother. Yet mutual misunderstanding had never been a real barrier.

 _"I do not understand you, Thrawn. I'm not sure I ever have. "_

 _"Then just trust me."_

Only one issue made itself present time and again: the disagreements between the commander and the Mitth family. Thrawn knew of the dilemma in which his brother lived, trapped between loyalty to his blood family and the adoptive family; but it was truly out of his hands. Both would do their best for the good of the Chiss Ascendancy, but they completely disagreed on the methods. However, that wasn't a problem for long. For the arms of death found Thrass and inflicted a loss upon Thrawn that could never be compensated. After his brother's demise, the young commander sank further into his work and into his art. Day after day. Year after year. Until the third loss arrived.

 **What became of men that started**

 **All are gone and their souls departed**

 **Left me here in this place**

 **So all alone**

The war that had broken out in the Republic where Car'das and Ferasi lived, came dangerously close to the Chiss Ascendancy. The event only increased the tension that was already installed in the oligarchy, that had been fighting against an evil that plagued the Unknown Regions. It didin't take long to leaders of his people realize that not even the isolationism and the considerable ability of the Chiss would be able to cope with the great torments that were approaching.

Thus, for the sake of his civilization, Thrawn sacrificed his brilliant career in the CEDF (and, by extension, his place in the Mitth family) and gave up on being with his own. He would be sent in the direction of the newly founded Galactic Empire. A great sacrifice, but that had to be made. And there was no better person for the role, since he was the one who knew the most about that side of the galaxy.

The Ascendancy knew that it would not be easy to get in touch with that alien institution and to have it as an ally; but the Chiss couldn't afford not to pursue possible allies against an enemy who, undoubtedly, had the potential to consume the entire galaxy. Thrawn's exile and camp were meticulously staged, and the plan was executed with millimetric precision, in order to have the highest chance of sucess. And during this mission, a pleasant surprise. A young ensign who had heard about the Chiss, but only through legends (which Thrawn considered hilarious).

 _"I found the story quite interesting."_

 _"Some of my stories you find interesting," Vanto said. Wrinkles form across his forehead. "Others you seem to find unbelievable. A few of them you find amusing. This was one of those. "_

 _"I do not mean to offend," Thrawn said. "But I myself am Chiss, and never have I heard of any of my people wielding such a power."_

 **Stranger in a strange land**

 **Land of ice and snow**

 **Trapped inside this prison!**

 **Lost and far from home**

Eli Vanto. Initially, the chiss distrusted that boy and lost no time in keeping close, in order to discover just how far the ensign's knowledge really went. Upon realizing that Vanto posed no danger, the former commander took his time in analysing that potencial that laid dormant inside that boy. And the human had so much potencial. Like Thrawn himself, Vanto soon turned out to be another stranger in the nest. Coming from an unimportant planet, always feeling the weight of prejudice, and passionate about something simple, but fundamental in the life of any civilization: the numbers. With which he had always been very skillful.

Initially, the young man simply wanted a supply ofical and Thrawn was sure that he would be very good at it. However, the Chiss preferred to follow his intuition and prepare Eli for a less ordinary fate, for he had a rare combination of tactical skill and leadership that would be much needed in the years to come. Their way through the ranks of the Empire was not easy, particularly for Eli Vanto. For years, he was passed over and felt imprisoned in a secondary role (always the ensign, the intepreter, the aide, the one in the backstage...), though he had never complained or resented Thrawn. Which was a relief, for after years of deep loneliness, the Chiss had finally found a kindred soul that, curiously, combined qualities of all those he had lost.

 **Stranger in a strange land**

 **Land of ice and snow**

 **Trapped inside this prison!**

 **Lost and far from home**

It was good to have glimpses of those precious beings in the midst of his life. Sometimes, Thrawn had considered looking for information about Maris and Jorj, but he knew that would be the equivalent of putting a target on their backs. And Thrass...well, nothing to be said about it. The one he could only see in dreams and memories. But what were the qualities that lived inside young Vanto?

From Jorj Car'das there was that ability to see into the hearts of others. From Thrass, the political sense and the understanding on how to navigate in that sea of scheming. From Maris Ferasi, a deep sense of moral and respect towards people. His esteem for his former aide was not a reflection of the absences weighing on his heart, but a combination of them with Eli's personal qualities, such as intelligence, character, and even a certain sense of humor.

However, his comfort wouldn't last long and his good friend Vanto followed the path of all those Thrawn had cherished. The now Lieutenant Commander was sent by the Admiral himself to cooperate with the Chiss Ascendancy and it was unlikely that their paths would cross again. Yet again, the loss. Painful, though for a greater good. Another loss came from the Battle of Batonn. His greatest success and greatest defeat - until that moment, he believed. The event gave birth to Grand Admiral Thrawn and that killed whatever had remained Mitth'raw'nuruodo.

 **Stranger in a strange land**

 **Land of ice and snow**

 **Trapped inside this prison!  
**

 **Lost and far from home**

Although he had always been objective and focused on his mission, Thrawn had never been adept at gratuitous violence, waste or dishonorable behavior. But that battle was undoubtedly his greatest regret. A massacre. An unnecessary, stupid and vulgar bloodshed. A perfect reflection of the one that made everything happen.

Arhinda Pryce.

Thrawn felt a bitter taste in his mouth as he remembered how his fate was intimately connected with that nefarious woman, whose actions undermined the bit of nobility of spirit he still had. Both the CEDF commander and the leader of the Ninety-Sixth Task Force were measured individuals in the use of force and endowed with honesty.

But Grand Admiral Thrawn? The one who would engineer the end of the rebels? The head of the Seventh Fleet? Oh, no. This one was ruthless, brutal and someone who would only exist to get results for the emperor. No space for personal glory. Sophistication and subtlety would be nothing but varnish, for the internal wounds were not only opened but also infested. Rotting little by little and turning his blood into poison. A poison that would eventually destroy whatever healthy piece of his heart. Thrawn was not proud of the person he was now, but he would not lose his sleep either. Even if he had his regrets, his fame should be kept and his mission completed. His only consolation was to know that none of those he held dear would be around to witness his transformation.

 **Stranger in a strange land**

 **Land of ice and snow**

 **Trapped inside this prison!  
**

 **Lost and far from home**

He believed Maris would be particularly hurt, for she had seen him as a heroic being. And, frankly, he had made every effort to do justice to her opinion and to the feelings they had shared. Thrass would be horrified, watching his brother deviate so much from the Chiss way. Jorj would be deeply sorry to see his good friend go down such a gloomy path. And Eli would try to understand, but it was very likely he would not.

" _I see your defeat. Like many arms surrounding you in a cold embrace._ "

Inwardly, Thrawn could only wish those he cared about would keep good memories of him. Memories like the ones he carried and that gave him strength whenever he needed to look at the dark face of death. For, as he had written in the jounal he gave to Eli Vanto.

 _"If one is fortunate, those paths will be a time join. But if the paths separate, it is comforting to know that a still graces the universe with his skills, and his viewpoint, and his presence. For if one is remembered by a friend, one is never truly gone. "_

And, light years away, that strange power - the Force - heeded the silent demands of a brilliant, but lonely man. Even though he'd never know.

In Yavin, a rebel pilot stared at the red sunset and remembered the eyes of a lover from her youth. An educated, mysterious and honored alien. In Corellia, a former smuggler scribbled on the beach sand words of an unknown language that he had learned from a singular warrior, on an unusual voyage. And in the Unknown Regions, a commander of the Imperial Navy, now living with a remarkable species, read again the words written in the diary of his mentor and friend.

 **End**

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Considering that it is highly probable that we'll have to say goodbye to Thrawn in this last season of Rebels, I thought it would be nice to give a more bittersweet ending to this fic. :)


End file.
